Can I Go Back

Its many years! At least for me it’s many. Do I look back? Yes I do.. like you all do. It’s been days I have not updated on me. Why? No freaking clue. I do not know it myself how do I tell you?
So what have I been doing? Nothing much, a daily routine of 7:00 in the morning till 7:00 at night. No cooking; hold on some cooking and no life. I donno why I feel it so much! The days when I had no money I used to think once I earn “enough” money I will do this and that. And now with that “enough money” I want to retire!!! Crazy!!!
I had a small two bedroom shared apartment, with a maid who used to charge Rs400/- for everything in the house and between me and my room mate it was 200 each! Wow! And I am talking about Noida and the fact that we were any time ready to get rid of her for a cheaper one. Now I think, lets pay some more but get a better one. What a one eighty degree turn in approach. Now my monthly bill is almost twice my first salary!!! What a growth. But which direction? Some direction for sure!
I have also grown double my size! It seems I am eating up all that I am earning.. scratch scratch!! That’s another big regret. Yes it is regret. Though I try and tell myself (and others) hundred different reasons, I know I have lost it. From a figure where I knew people gave me second look even in my everyday office wears; to a barrel. What a growth! It’s like an exponential business growth! But hey, market was not growing in past couple of years, then why am I? Husband effect? Could be! He promised just after our wedding he would make sure I am comparable to him. So here I am. I have reached, so can I go back now?

Independence and I

I keep getting these inputs from various sources.... like different types of media. It's about celebrities ! Yah .. all the celebrities. The news read something like this... so and so changed the hair stylist / make up artist / dress designer / cook... etc etc. Now if one has one person dedicated to one aspect of daily life like dressing and eating, how we call them independent or self sufficient. I did not live a life of celebrity neither I think I ever will. But I try to understand what life would be if I have to consult some one else what am I going to wear for a friend's wedding! Mad.... I will surely go mad.
On the contrary I try to look at the power moms around me. You have 2 toddlers, in laws live with you, you have a success full and demanding job ( a boss comes complimentary with it) , the ever changing maid and to top it up you have your husband. Let's give the rest of the relations a little rest. Now this is what I call real power woman. Trust me this is not at all easy to handle all these five things together at the same time. Honestly, I doubt one even gets the time to consult about anything at such a situation.
Now how do I define independence. As in my case what it is? The capacity to take all my decisions my self which are solely dependent of all other factors ?????? ha ha ha..... Or the ability to spend whatever and whenever I want, for all these people around me???? Or what? Isn't it a little confusing? It surely is for me. I really am trying to understand the independence and the I factor. Sometimes I feel there is nothing called independence..... everything depends on something.....and every one depends on some one....